


I've Been Losing Sleep

by HeavenWontTakeMeBack



Category: Supernatural, Supernatural AU
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - No Mark of Cain, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Comfort, Dean Has Nightmares, Depression, Destiel - Freeform, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional Dean, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Relationships, Explicit Sexual Content, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Nightmares, Post S.10 E.3, Protective Sam Winchester, Season 10 AU, Sexual Content, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-03
Updated: 2014-11-03
Packaged: 2018-02-23 22:01:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2557262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeavenWontTakeMeBack/pseuds/HeavenWontTakeMeBack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After being changed back into a human, Dean can't stop the nightmares about what he's done. </p><p>Castiel is the only thing that makes everything okay. </p><p>Post S.10 E.3. AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I've Been Losing Sleep

Dean's body was twisted in the sheets, his arms tucked under his pillow. His mouth hung open a little, quiet snores filling the room. 

Sam was sprawled on his back in the other bed, hair all over and mouth gone slack. His arms were spread eagle on the bed as he slept, quiet snoring noises falling from his lips. 

Everything was calm after the hunt.

Then it all changed. 

Dean's face twisted into a pained expression, his breath coming out of his mouth in short gasps. He tossed onto his back, his head moving back and forth on the pillow. A low whimper came from him then, alerting Sam. Sam sat up automatically, hand going for his gun. Another low whimper, then a quiet shout made him turn to Dean and lower the gun. 

Dean had been having nightmares ever since he'd be turned human once again. Sam had finally stopped going to his side when Dean told him not to treat him like a child and coming running all the time. Sam knew Dean tried to be tough, but he didn't even know half of what Dean had done while he was a demon but he had a feeling it was bad. Sam texted Castiel. 

'It's happening again.' The text read. A response came back through instantly. 

'Scale of one to ten.'

A loud scream ripped through Dean, then a sob, his body thrashing in the sheets. Sam winced. 

'Ten.'

'Be there in a sec.' 

Sam and Castiel had an agreement that when the nightmares got bad enough to be a ten, Castiel would attempt comfort next. Castiel came into the room with a flap of wings, crossing it to Dean's bed. Screams ripped from Dean's chest, his hands clawing at the sheets. He finally shot up with a shout, his body convulsing as he tried to hold everything in. A sob escaped, and he clamped a hand over his mouth, unaware that Sam was awake and Castiel was there until he raised his head. He tried to speak, lowering his hand, but all that came out was a sob that wracked his whole body. He clamped a hand over his mouth, his breathing speeding up largely. Castiel's hands were on his arms then, and Dean flinched. 

"N-n-n..." Dean tried to protest, but then he was falling forward into Castiel's arms, his body shaking with sobs that he couldn't keep inside. He heard the door open, then close. 

"It's just us, Dean," Castiel said softly. His hand rested gently on Dean's back, and it surprised Dean how comforting the weight was. Dean slowly returned the embrace, surprising himself when he ended up clinging to the other man. 

"You don't have to hide it anymore," Castiel said softly. For some reason, Dean believed him. He let his defenses down, and the sobs finally escaped. His head fell against Castiel's shoulder, his nails digging into his back. It was the unhuman wailing that Dean didn't really register as coming from him until he remembered that he and Castiel were the only beings in the room. 

"You're safe, you're safe," Castiel murmured over and over. Dean tried to talk to him- say his name, beg for forgiveness, plead for him to make it stop, he didn't know. He struggled to catch his breath as well, but it kept coming out in quick gasps that left his head spinning. Castiel started to hum to him softly, running his fingers through the soft strands of his hair. Dean didn't recognize the song, but it began to soothe him enough to get his breathing under control. Castiel slowly lay them down, stretching his legs out and tangling them with Dean's. The sobs began to soften halfway into the next song, and then it was just the sound of soft hiccups and sniffles mixed with Castiel's humming. 

"Go to sleep, Dean," Castiel murmured. Dean thought he imagined the kiss dropped onto his forehead. 

"Stay," Dean said without thinking. His voice broke, and Dean mentally winced at how weak he was. 

"Of course," Castiel promised, "I won't leave your side. I'll keep you safe." Castiel adjusted his hold on Dean. Dean slowly sank into the warmth, his head resting in the crook of Castiel's neck. 

"I'm so weak," Dean whispered squeezing his eyes shut, willing back the pricking at his eyes. 

"No. You're the strongest man I know," Castiel told him, his fingers running through Dean's hair. Dean suddenly felt too tired to argue. 

"You using your mojo?" Dean mumbled, his eyelids fluttering. 

"I'm not using my "mojo", Dean." Castiel sounded amused. Dean decided he liked it when Castiel's voice sounded like that. The humming started again, and the soft fingers continued to run gently through his hair. 

"Feels nice," Dean mumbled sleepily, curling into the warmth, "don't...stop..."

~X.x.X~

Dean's snores were muffled by Castiel's shoulder when Sam came into the room once again. Castiel had his eyes closed, but Sam knew very well that Castiel wasn't asleep. 

"Is he better?" Sam asked softly, sitting down on the edge of his own bed. Dean twitched in his sleep, making soft noise and curling into Castiel even more. Castiel hushed him, playing with his hair. Sam watched in amazement as Dean's body relaxed into Castiel's touch. 

"A little better, but I wouldn't say much. Let's see how the rest of the night goes." Sam agreed with him before curling back up and going back to sleep. Castiel shut his eyes again, letting himself float in the relaxed state once more. This went on for about an hour before Dean tensed up beside him, his hands gripping Cas's clothes. Castiel opened his eyes, looking down at Dean and smoothing his hair, trying to sooth him. Dean whimpered, then groaned, tossing out of Castiel's arms. Castiel hovered over him, worried. Dean's head jerked, and he moaned in his sleep. Castiel knew how to tell the difference by now, and it was not the good kind. 

"Dean," he murmured softly in his ear, "wake up, Dean." Dean jerked beneath him, a weak cry escaping him. 

"Dean," Castiel tried again, shaking him, "Dean, wake up. Wake up." Dean's eyes shot open, and his hands grabbed Castiel's arms, nails digging into the skin. 

"It's me. Dean, it's Cas, it's me. It's okay, it's okay," Castiel repeated over and over. Dean's wild eyes met Castiel's, and his arms wrapped around his neck automatically. Castiel found himself pressed against Dean's body as Dean trembled beneath him, his breath coming out in quick gasps. 

"You're okay, you're okay," Castiel murmured over and over. Dean's clung to him, his sobs low and broken in Castiel's ear. 

"Make it stop, make it stop," Dean moaned, squeezing his eyes shut and gripping Castiel. 

"I'm trying, Dean, I'm trying," Castiel ran his fingers over Dean's cheekbone. Dean flinched, but then leaned after the touch when he realized it was a nice feeling, and Castiel did it again. 

"I just want to sleep, and I..." Dean's voice broke. 

"Then sleep. It's okay, Dean."

"No! They won't stop!" Dean protested, his voice breaking again, "kill me if you have to, just make it stop!" 

"Don't say that. Don't say things like that." Castiel scolded him. Dean flinched, a louder sob escaping. Sam twitched in his sleep, but didn't stir. Castiel rolled them so Dean was curled against his front again. 

"I'm sorry," Dean whispered, "I'm so sorry." 

"Shh..." Castiel brushed the tears off his face. Dean looked up at him with wide eyes, hiccuping softly. Castiel smiled gently at him, brushing his fingers across his face. Dean seemed frozen, his eyes locked on Castiel's with fear and something else mixed in. Castiel frowned.

"Why are you scared of me? I'm not going to hurt- mm..." Dean was kissing him, his mouth hot and warm against Castiel's. Castiel knew he should push him away, knew that Dean was vulnerable, but his body had other ideas. When they broke apart, their foreheads rested against each other, Castiel holding Dean's sides loosely. 

"I'm not scared of you," Dean whispered, not pulling his face away from Cas's, "I'm scared of me. I don't understand..." Dean gestured between them, "I don't know what this is, but...I don't want to stop." 

"I don't want you to stop," Castiel whispered back. Dean closed the distance again, but their bodies moved against each other this time. Castiel's hands were in his hair, and Dean's hands were fisted in the sheets as he bit at Castiel's throat. Castiel's legs were around Dean's, the friction from Dean's thrusts and the fabric of their clothes against their half hard cocks making them both groan softly in pleasure. 

"So good," Castiel breathed, one hand falling to grab at his hip. Dean crushed their mouths together, rolling them so that Castiel was straddling him. Dean's hands went for his hair, his hips shoving up before he could stop them. Castiel shoved his hips down, the sheets twisted in his hands. Dean broke the kiss with a gasp, throwing his head back. Castiel hummed, biting lightly at Dean's throat. 

"Cas," Dean's voice cracked, "Cas." His hands slipped clumsily over Castiel's body, pulling the coat off and tossing it off the bed, his fingers unbuttoning the buttons on Castiel's shirt. Castiel made a soft noise, rolling his hips clumsily against Dean's. Dean's quiet moans filled the room, his head tossing back and his fingers fumbling with the buttons. 

"Dean? Are you o- what the hell? Dean!" Sam evacuated the hotel room, slamming the door behind him. They froze for a moment, and Dean started to laugh, bordering on the edge of hysterical. Castiel muffled his own laughter in Dean's neck. 

"Maybe we should have warned him," Castiel said, grinning at Dean. Dean found himself smiling back, reaching a hand up to hold onto his face. 

"You're so beautiful," Dean heard himself saying. Castiel smiled down at him. 

"You're the beautiful one," Castiel said softly, leaning down to kiss him. Dean felt his cheeks flame, but he kissed Castiel back, hands coming back up to finish undoing the buttons. He pushed the shirt off of Cas's shoulders before pulling the undershirt he wore over his head. Castiel pressed against him, hands slipping under his shirt to grab at his skin. Dean moaned into his mouth, rolling Castiel onto his back again. Castiel stripped Dean off his shirt, slipping off the sweatpants and Dean's boxers off in one motion. He drank in the sight eagerly, hands roaming lightly across Dean's skin. Dean kissed him, propping himself on an elbow so he could undo the button on Castiel's dress pants. Castiel lifted his hips so Dean could pull them down his legs. Dean went for his boxers next, and as soon as all articles of clothing were removed, he was pressing his body against Castiel's and rolling his hips forward. Castiel made a small noise of surprise, his hips rolling upward to meet Dean's. 

"Please," Castiel's voice was breathless, "Dean, please." 

"Please what?" Dean nipped as his ear. 

"Fuck me. Please, fuck me." Castiel's voice was wrecked, his eyes thick with want. Dean reached blindly for his bag that lay beside the bed, fumbling for the bottle of lube and condoms that was always in there in case of random one night stands. But Cas wasn't a one night stand. Cas was way, way different. He slicked his fingers up before pushing on finger in slowly, watching Castiel's face. Castiel's lips parted, breathing heavily as Dean moved his finger around. He moaned quietly when Dean added a second finger. He pushed his hips against Dean's fingers as Dean scissored them, kissing at Castiel's thighs and hipbones. 

"Oh, oh fuck, right there, do that again," Castiel demanded with a gasp, arching off the bed. Dean obeyed, added a third finger. Castiel moaned loudly, throwing his head back and arching into the touch. 

"Now, Dean," Castiel pleaded. Dean temoved his fingers and rolled on a condom before lining up. 

"You sure?" Dean murmured, hovering over him. Castiel nodded, pulling him in for a kiss. Dean pushed in slowly after breaking it, watching Castiel's face for signs of pain. Castiel's lips parted, and Dean muffled a moan as he bottomed out. He stilled, letting Castiel adjust. 

"Move," Castiel breathed, hands coming up to hold onto Dean's sides. Dean kissed him again before pulling back and thrusting gently back in. They let their mouths move and tongues dance for a few minutes while Dean gently moved in and out of him. Castiel moaned his name quietly when Dean broke the kiss, hands slipping to grab at his ass. Dean's hips shoved forward harder than he meant to, but at the sound of Castiel's satisfied moan, he sped up the pace. Dean's moans were muffled by Castiel's throat, but Castiel's were loud, mixing in with the sounds of skin on skin that filled the room. 

"You close?" Dean's voice was wrecked, hips shoving forward harder at their own accord. Castiel nodded, wrapping his arms around Dean's neck. 

"I..Dean...Dean!" Castiel tumbled over with a shout, hips shoving up hard to meet Dean's. Dean groaned, his hips snapping forward twice more before he was tumbling too, moaning Castiel's name. They collapsed together, mouths finding each other and hands lightly touching. Dean pulled out of him, tossing the condom into the trash and rolling so he was beside him. Castiel nudged at his arm, and this time Dean was holding him, pressing his lips to Castiel's sweaty forehead. Castiel sighed in contentment, shutting his eyes even though he knew he couldn't sleep. Dean's eyelids fluttered, and he slipped under, Castiel warm and safe in his arms. 

He slept free of nightmares for the rest of the night. 

~X.x.X~ 

Dean was screaming. Castiel shook him roughly, trying to wake him while calling his name. 

"Cas! Cas!" Dean screamed, his body convulsing in the sheets. He hadn't had a nightmare in weeks, so Castiel was unprepared when his lover started having one while he was in the shower. Clad in a only a towel, he'd rushed to Dean's side, trying to wake up. Dean shot up in bed with a shout, his eyes wild. His breathing was out of wack.

"Dean," Castiel said gently, taking one of his hands, "I'm right here." Dean's eyes flashed to his face, and he clung to him instantly, breathing him in. 

"Why are you all wet?" Dean finally mumbled. He didn't move his face from Castiel's neck. 

"I was in the shower. I'm sorry I left," Castiel cradled his cheek gently in his hand, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. 

"It's okay," Dean said softly, reaching to pull him in for another kiss, "I couldn't find you. I thought that I'd..." 

"You don't have to talk about it," Castiel whispered, kissing the corner of his mouth. Dean pressed his nose against Castiel's cheek, nudging it. Castiel smiled, turning his head for more of those sweet kisses. 

"You can go finish showering," Dean told him after a few more kisses. 

"You want to come with?" Castiel stood. 

"I might try to go back to sleep. Rain check?" Dean leaned up for a kiss, which Castiel gave. 

"Of course." Castiel turned to leave the room. 

"Hey babe?" Dean called after him. Castiel turned, tilting his head. 

Dean took a deep breath. "I..I love you." The grin that formed on Castiel's face was worth saying the words out loud, especially because he truly meant them. 

"I love you, too, Dean." Dean smiled at him, and Castiel left the room, a smile still on his lips as he went to finish his shower. Dean lay back on the bed, a faint smile forming on his face. 

His angel always made everything okay. 

Castiel re-entered the room ten minutes later to find Dean curled with an arm around his pillow, mouth hanging open while he slept. Castiel smiled before crawling into bed with him, nudging at his arm. Dean made a small noise, moving it and wrapping it around Castiel's hips instead. Cas snuggled into him, returning the embrace. Dean made a content sound, slipping deeper into sleep. 

No more nightmares.


End file.
